nightmare...

i had a dream. :(

i was just married with a pretty girl.  i don't remember who she was.... 

one day, she told me that i'd never presented any jewlery to her.  so i said "ok, let's go buy one."  feeling sorry for her, i also was expecting to spend a lot of money for that. but the one she picked was much more expensive than i thought and even i was able to afford... :( 

she was so stupid... how could she even imagine i could afford it... it was tens of thousands of dollars... 

anyway i bought it with credit cards installments like forever, and i thought over and over... and decided to let her go...she was not my kind of person... but she insisted not to divorce... and i got stuck with her... !!!

the pain and feeling was too serious... it was around 3am when i actually waked up from the nightmare...  i couldn't get back to sleep for a while...  i was scared....

what's this?

You have made known to me the path of life; 

You will fill me with joy in your presence, 

with eternal pleasures at Your right hand. 

(Psalms 16:11, NIV)

what's this? what is the "path of life"? and what is the "eternal pleasures"? 

what is this guy talking about? 

i got it...

last night, i had a thing which made me stay up sooo late.... i couldn't sleep.... 

i guess, i got it today... i am growing... this might be where so-called happiness comes from... 

shouldn't it be like this....

he replied, "i know nothing about that one way or the other. 

but i know one thing for sure: I WAS BLIND . . . NOW I SEE" (John 9:25, The Message)

all the theories... explanations... tries... anything won't work... except LIFE from DEATH in me... 

don't be fooled into thinking some manipulated thought might be over there... 

life is simple and should be so....... that's where the power and the passion come from.... not from any complicated logic....

just believe... and take a rest in Him.... be quiet.... 

amen.....

i know....

i know He loves me so much... 

i know He has a plan for me... and it is wonderful... 

but i don't like the way He loves me... it's too harsh... right now....

and i don't like the plan He has for me... it's too far from now... 

i live now... His all wonderful things are far from me and from now... 

the distance between His plan in future and my life in present is my sadness and sorrow....

and, i know, if someone should change, it's me... dang it!!!

- with many tears and sighs...

멀리 계신 하나님...

그가 멀리 계시지 않다고 하지만, 사람 마음에 달린 것이란 걸 안다. 

그가 비록 가까이 있다고 믿지만 나 같은 마음에는 느낄 수 없어 결국 멀리 계시는 것과 진배없다. 

그가 멀리 있다 확정적으로 말하면 큰일 날 것 같았지만, 그렇게 이야기하고 나면 속은 덜 불편하다... 

이렇게 그와 이별을 준비하는 건지....아니면 새로운 관계로 도약할 건지... 

It's up to Him...and I am just waiting... desperately... hopelessly....... without doing anything... 

그와의 이별을 통해 누가 더 아파할지 묻는 것은 어리석다...

사람...

요 몇일 자꾸 꿈을 꾼다... 

한동안 연락 안하던 사람들이 나타난다... 

사람이 그리운 모양이다... 

발목을 잡고 있던 project proposal 이 드.디.어. 끝났다... 

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